i bought my wife a new addition to the kitchen. it was something i didnt know she wanted, but it came out the other day during dinner with the kids. a food processor. something simple and easy. it was also a very early birthday gift. daughter admitted she wanted one as well, or a bread maker machine, but didnt have the counter space right now for anything extra. turns out, after my incident last night, daughter is going to be getting a set of spoons – not anything even remotely sharp!
it was simple: daughter comes down to sitting room and asks me help her set up the NEW food processor. not a problem, im thinking. i go up stairs and take it out of the box and even say out loud : ” now this thing can cut the shit out of you, so be careful of this.” and then a few seconds later i say: ” im sort of a food processor virgin, i just always use my knives.” im a chef, and have been for a long time. i can slice and dice and mince and prance with the best of them. i dont need a damn machine to do anything! and im arrogant. but anyway, i get everything together and daughter and i take turns at deciding how chopped the shit in the bowl needs to be, and i will be damned if i didnt reach for THE OTHER SHARP BLADE and cut the shit out of one of the fingers on my left hand. the same blade i put to the side just to keep it out of the way because i knew it was so damn sharp! so later on, and seriously this is stupid, but i reach for the same blade AGAIN! with the other hand.
and i just got home from the doctors office with 8 stiches in my thumb. i knew it was bad at the time, but not this bad the next morning! it was a cut so deep into my thumb, and sideways at that, that the doctor was even: “i didnt know it was that deep”. it was 1/4 to 1/2 inches deep into the pad of my thumb. and of course on the part were i grab stuff.
and so, i might be an idiot, like everyone else who has a big head in the kitchen.
but i swear!, i wasnt doing anything but reaching for the new blade! which i got out of the way because i knew it was sharp to begin with. so now im relegated to no shower for 24 hours, and antibiotics, and a huge white cloth bandage on my thumb, like im holding up a diaper while hitching a ride and i have this diaper draped over my stuck out thumb as if im waving a flag of surrender.
but now we have a cool new machine and i know i can get out of kitchen duty when ever it will be used. sort of.